An Update for when Life doesn’t go as Planned….

Source: http://www.playbuzz.com

I’m sure we all had an idea of what our lives would plan out in the next 5 years. I saw myself graduating college, going straight into grad school, finding my dream career and husband and being married at age 25. Now, having recently turning 24, I laugh and go “aww” at my ambition.

It’s great to have plans and set goals, but at the same time, life will hit you with curveballs that you just didn’t account for. I didn’t get into grad school the first time. Or the second time. Or the third. (Forgot how competitive my field is). I’m not engaged or even in a steady relationship. But for many of my friends, my plan came true for them. Many of them entered grad school and my social media is flooded with engagement pictures and sappy captions.

And there are days where you wonder: “Did I do something wrong?” “Why are they living my dream now?” “I feel stuck. I feel left behind.”

After chatting with some friends, doing a little soul searching, and a glass or 2 of wine later, I came to accept my current place in life. I may not be where I want to be, but I am where I’m supposed to be. It’s so easy to focus on what you don’t have and forget about the many things you do have.

I’m not in grad school now or diagnosing speech disorders in a classroom, but I did get hired as an assistant teacher to one day become the Spanish Immersion teacher. And who doesn’t want to teach adorable little kids Spanish? I’ve gotten to work so closely with the teens in my parish and to watch them grow and become future leaders themselves is probably the most rewarding part of the year.

So there isn’t a special someone in my life, but I’ve been blessed with the greatest friends who constantly show me their love and appreciation for our friendship.

I’ve worked and edited my poetry which is on Instagram now if you choose to follow (instagram.com/stellerez) which will one day become a book if God allows.

There’s so many things that I’ve done that I’m super proud of that I can’t write (cause it would be a suupeeer long post) but this update post is just a reassurance that life doesn’t go according to plan and that’s okay. We all have our unique journey towards life and we don’t all have to achieve it at the same time. There is no deadline for any of your dreams so if it takes you longer than others, it’s okay. We’ll be cheering you on until you make it.

To my crush that isn’t ready…

Source: Twitter.com The Single Woman

I can be really cliche and say that I saw you in a crowded room and from that moment, I knew you’ll be mine. But this isn’t Hollywood and I’m not that much of a girly girl Disney romantic (just slightly).

To be quite honest, when I first saw you, I thought it would be the last time I did. I didn’t set my hopes too high and thought of you as another good looking guy that would have been nothing but an attractive memory.

I was actually in the midst of a very complicated relationship at the time that I met you and you were the farthest thing from my mind. You kept popping into my life so unexpectedly, also with the help of social media and mutual friends, which made me question which one of you had to stay. The more distant he was to me, the closer you came into my life. This wasn’t supposed to happen, and yet, here I am, writing this post, waiting for you to respond to my text.

I have a really bad track record in relationships; cheaters, liars, manipulators and guys who have just been the definition of cold. And yet, you have completely broken the mold. You can’t even compare to my history and for that I am thankful. Your qualities are everything a girl SHOULD be looking for in a relationship and best believe that it is on my list. You’ve given me a different sense of happiness and peace that few people have been able to give to me…

But I know you’re not ready. The thought of a relationship is the furthest thing from your mind and this post will not help at all in making that a top priority in your life anytime soon. And that’s okay. I’m glad that it isn’t. I’m glad that you’re putting other things first, like your family, career and yourself. Please be selfish and continue to grow into the man that you’re supposed to become.

And it’s okay, I’m not ready either. As much as I’d like to lie to myself and say that I’m ready for a relationship, I know that there is so much more growth for me in all aspects. I can’t demand a man with x,y and z qualities if I’m not working on or having those qualities myself. I’ve been in many relationships where I was lifting the guy up and being pushed down in the process. I’m also not waiting for a guy that’s so far ahead of me that I feel I have to rush my progress. I need someone to walk alongside me and go along for the ride. Sure there will be bumps, but you won’t be too far to help me. I want to choose you not because out of loneliness, desperation or to say I have a boyfriend so I can show you off on social media. I want to choose you because I am comfortable with myself and who I am, and you will be there as an enhancement. I promise you that you will not be my whole world, but just my favorite part.

I can write 1,001 reasons as to why you should date me right now (and with valid reasons), but there’s no point to that. I’m not someone that you force or push a good sale at like I’m a cheap piece of jewelry. People know the worth of diamonds and pearls and don’t need a spokesperson to let them know that this is something of value. I am a person of value and my actions and character can attest to that.

There is probably a 99.9% chance that you won’t even read this, and if you do, you probably wouldn’t know it was you. And that’s okay. I’m not trying to speed up the process or light a fire in you to notice me. This was probably more for me and my readers to have another insight on life. You and I may up in a relationship. We could get married. We could never leave each other’s friend zones. Heck, you could be talking to some other girl right now. And whatever the outcome may be, I’ll be content with it. Because I know God will not give me someone that belongs to someone else.

I’ll be praying for you.

So, how does 22 feel?

source: weheartit.com

As of June 30th, I turned 22. Yikes! One of the newer perks of turning 22 is singing this song:

And people keep asking, how does it feel being 22?…well…

“we’re happy free confused and lonely at the same time” – Taylor Swift. That line sums it all up.

It’s like being 17 or 19. It’s an awkward age because there’s no milestone or right of passage that comes along with it. 15/16 in most cultures you’re considered a woman. You can vote and play the lotto at 18. You can drink at 21. After that, the only major ones are the incriments of five; 25, 30, 35, etc. Not a lot of people make a big deal of it. It’s like being 19, only with more responsibilities.

By now, you’re over the whole “omg I get to drink!!” phase when you were 21. Although I do enjoy a drink every now and then, that phase no longer excites me. By now you’ve voted in at least 1 or two elections. Depending on money and demographics. you already own a license/car. If all went to plan, you graduated college/will be soon.

It’s a different type of puberty phase than when you were an early adolescent. You’re expected to do more on your own; pay bills, earn a more serious job, really think about a career/marriage/family…and sometimes I feel like this commercial

You’re stuck in the middle between “still young according to the world” and “you’re old enough”. Still knowing teen slang but having a LinkedIn or copies of resumes in your bag. Can still shop in stores like Forever 21 (cause forever was only 365 days), but also needing to own “adult gear” like pantsuits and blazers. But your twenties are still your discovery years, your selfish years, the years where you really decide on what you will become. You’ve spent most of your teens years trying to discover who you are, what you’re good at. And now your 20s is your “what are you gonna do about it?’ phase. It’s a time to take yourself more seriously, but still find a balance to enjoy life. Your money is spent more on bills than sneakers. Your days of sleeping in during the summer are limited. You have more expectations and wish you were 5 again, getting to take daily naps.

All in all, the way I see 22 is another year to better yourself. Let that be the year you do something beneficial for yourself like learn a new skill, get that licence, go back to school, make new friends and let go of toxic ones, find that special someone or take on more responsibilities than expected. Make it a milestone for you personally and not let the age go to waste. There’s no explicit expectations of being 22, so you whatever you feel like! (As long as it’s an improvement) Make a list of goals to complete before your next birthday to make it memorable. If not, you still have 2 more awkward birthdays until 25!

“Another year older, another year wiser”

Maybe that’s what TSwizzle meant…do kids still call her that?

Nonetheless, if you need me, I’ll be making student loan payments while singing Disney songs and sipping on a Capri Sun…I think I got it right.

Treat yourself – Solo date night

I think you know where this is going by the title of the post. Many single people, especially in the summer are looking for someone to enjoy the season with, even getting into a relationship with. Does that always work out? Not really. In my case especially, I usually end up definitively single before the 4th of July. But does that mean you can’t enjoy yourself? ABSOLUTELY NOT! As Aziz says; “Treat yo self!”

 

source: fashionista.com

 

So what does it mean to treat yourself? It means to enjoy being in the company of…well yourself! Who better than you since you’re so awesome?! Solo ‘treat yo self’ dates are important for you in so many ways.

First off, it helps you become content with yourself and you can grow to love yourself more. I stress this beyond belief.  No relationship will be as fruitful as you want it if you do not love yourself first. It’s important to love and treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. You accept the love you think you deserve and you deserve the best!  Second, it helps you learn more about yourself, such as your talents, strengths and weaknesses and it give you room to learn and grow. You also learn that you don’t need someone to treat you to the material things of the world, you can buy those things yourself and in turn, you realize and appreciate those in your life that spoil you more with memories than with gifts. (But a gift here and there isn’t that bad lol). And finally, it gives you the freedom to choose what you want to do, how you want to do it and when.

So how can you treat yourself?:

Inside pamper day!

Take this day or night, stay home and literally treat yo self to take care of your body! Do your nails/toes, take a soothing bath and doing a face and or hair mask! There’s never really much time or money to be going out to do these and who knows? You might end up being a pro at it!

Check out her DIY masks

Also take the time to make your favorite meals…or order in lol whatever works for you. Sometimes it’s fun to make a mess in the kitchen (as long as you clean it up) and learn all the fun and tasty things you can make with what’s already in your fridge! I’m obsessed with Spoon University from NYU they have sooo many good things to try. And if you’re not kitchen savvy, well Ben & Jerry’s and Talenti never fail a girl!

Cleaning!

Now, how does cleaning count as treat yourself? For some like me, I find cleaning to be very very therapeutic. To be in a clean and organized room really relaxes you and you get to find things you thought you lost!! Also you get inspired to redecorate the place and Pinterest never fails to inspire me! Get some candles, air fresheners and pretty things that gives your room more life and in turn, you’ll be having some good vibes!

Shopping!

Nothing says treat yo self better than adding to your wardrobe and makeup arsenal!! If you look good, you feel good, right? Shopping at your favorite stores, spending time in that dressing room and trying out all the makeup samples are vital in a day off for yourself! And also treat yourself to the sweets nearby too!

Above all and most importantly, remember all the good traits about yourself. Never forget the good that you bring to the table and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If they won’t spoil you, you can spoil yourself!

Happy solo night!

Con mucho amor,

For the ladies: go get what you deserve

I’ve been dealing with being lonely for a while, romantically lonely. With everyone getting married and having babies, it seems like my time will never come. And I know a lot of ladies have been feeling the same way at one point or another. And for some, that guy comes back. You know who that guy is: the guy from your past that you had a thing for but was nowhere good for you, the master of whispering sweet nothings in your ear and knows exactly how to get into your heart, and he will never let you forget it. He always pops up in your mind, you get slightly jealous of other girls around him and you give him all of your attention and he gives you about 1/3rd. And yet you can’t stay away.

These guys have some sort of magic of doing that and arriving just when you’re feeling lonely. I’m convinced guys have some radar. But nonetheless, he’s not the guy you pictured, in your checklist of a great guy, he barely makes it, (or not at all), but he’s there. He knows what you like. And you in your self pity think this is what you deserve. So you settle for him while the one you’re looking for can’t find you.

It’s never easy to wait for someone, especially if you’ve been waiting for what seems like forever. But they say good things take time. No work of beauty was made in 2.5 seconds, but I urge to not settle for some temporary love that does nothing to help you grow as a person and not just to satisy someone’s physical needs. You deserve so much more and you have to keep telling yourself that.

This isn’t just with romance, you deserve a great job, career, family, etc, but you have to not only wait, but work hard for it. No one gets what they want by just wishing. Put yourself in a positive attitude that you are going to get only the best and be the best person you can be. There will be those that will appreciate that and will help you towards that goal.