An Update for when Life doesn’t go as Planned….

Source: http://www.playbuzz.com

I’m sure we all had an idea of what our lives would plan out in the next 5 years. I saw myself graduating college, going straight into grad school, finding my dream career and husband and being married at age 25. Now, having recently turning 24, I laugh and go “aww” at my ambition.

It’s great to have plans and set goals, but at the same time, life will hit you with curveballs that you just didn’t account for. I didn’t get into grad school the first time. Or the second time. Or the third. (Forgot how competitive my field is). I’m not engaged or even in a steady relationship. But for many of my friends, my plan came true for them. Many of them entered grad school and my social media is flooded with engagement pictures and sappy captions.

And there are days where you wonder: “Did I do something wrong?” “Why are they living my dream now?” “I feel stuck. I feel left behind.”

After chatting with some friends, doing a little soul searching, and a glass or 2 of wine later, I came to accept my current place in life. I may not be where I want to be, but I am where I’m supposed to be. It’s so easy to focus on what you don’t have and forget about the many things you do have.

I’m not in grad school now or diagnosing speech disorders in a classroom, but I did get hired as an assistant teacher to one day become the Spanish Immersion teacher. And who doesn’t want to teach adorable little kids Spanish? I’ve gotten to work so closely with the teens in my parish and to watch them grow and become future leaders themselves is probably the most rewarding part of the year.

So there isn’t a special someone in my life, but I’ve been blessed with the greatest friends who constantly show me their love and appreciation for our friendship.

I’ve worked and edited my poetry which is on Instagram now if you choose to follow (instagram.com/stellerez) which will one day become a book if God allows.

There’s so many things that I’ve done that I’m super proud of that I can’t write (cause it would be a suupeeer long post) but this update post is just a reassurance that life doesn’t go according to plan and that’s okay. We all have our unique journey towards life and we don’t all have to achieve it at the same time. There is no deadline for any of your dreams so if it takes you longer than others, it’s okay. We’ll be cheering you on until you make it.

To my crush that isn’t ready…

Source: Twitter.com The Single Woman

I can be really cliche and say that I saw you in a crowded room and from that moment, I knew you’ll be mine. But this isn’t Hollywood and I’m not that much of a girly girl Disney romantic (just slightly).

To be quite honest, when I first saw you, I thought it would be the last time I did. I didn’t set my hopes too high and thought of you as another good looking guy that would have been nothing but an attractive memory.

I was actually in the midst of a very complicated relationship at the time that I met you and you were the farthest thing from my mind. You kept popping into my life so unexpectedly, also with the help of social media and mutual friends, which made me question which one of you had to stay. The more distant he was to me, the closer you came into my life. This wasn’t supposed to happen, and yet, here I am, writing this post, waiting for you to respond to my text.

I have a really bad track record in relationships; cheaters, liars, manipulators and guys who have just been the definition of cold. And yet, you have completely broken the mold. You can’t even compare to my history and for that I am thankful. Your qualities are everything a girl SHOULD be looking for in a relationship and best believe that it is on my list. You’ve given me a different sense of happiness and peace that few people have been able to give to me…

But I know you’re not ready. The thought of a relationship is the furthest thing from your mind and this post will not help at all in making that a top priority in your life anytime soon. And that’s okay. I’m glad that it isn’t. I’m glad that you’re putting other things first, like your family, career and yourself. Please be selfish and continue to grow into the man that you’re supposed to become.

And it’s okay, I’m not ready either. As much as I’d like to lie to myself and say that I’m ready for a relationship, I know that there is so much more growth for me in all aspects. I can’t demand a man with x,y and z qualities if I’m not working on or having those qualities myself. I’ve been in many relationships where I was lifting the guy up and being pushed down in the process. I’m also not waiting for a guy that’s so far ahead of me that I feel I have to rush my progress. I need someone to walk alongside me and go along for the ride. Sure there will be bumps, but you won’t be too far to help me. I want to choose you not because out of loneliness, desperation or to say I have a boyfriend so I can show you off on social media. I want to choose you because I am comfortable with myself and who I am, and you will be there as an enhancement. I promise you that you will not be my whole world, but just my favorite part.

I can write 1,001 reasons as to why you should date me right now (and with valid reasons), but there’s no point to that. I’m not someone that you force or push a good sale at like I’m a cheap piece of jewelry. People know the worth of diamonds and pearls and don’t need a spokesperson to let them know that this is something of value. I am a person of value and my actions and character can attest to that.

There is probably a 99.9% chance that you won’t even read this, and if you do, you probably wouldn’t know it was you. And that’s okay. I’m not trying to speed up the process or light a fire in you to notice me. This was probably more for me and my readers to have another insight on life. You and I may up in a relationship. We could get married. We could never leave each other’s friend zones. Heck, you could be talking to some other girl right now. And whatever the outcome may be, I’ll be content with it. Because I know God will not give me someone that belongs to someone else.

I’ll be praying for you.

So, how does 22 feel?

source: weheartit.com

As of June 30th, I turned 22. Yikes! One of the newer perks of turning 22 is singing this song:

And people keep asking, how does it feel being 22?…well…

“we’re happy free confused and lonely at the same time” – Taylor Swift. That line sums it all up.

It’s like being 17 or 19. It’s an awkward age because there’s no milestone or right of passage that comes along with it. 15/16 in most cultures you’re considered a woman. You can vote and play the lotto at 18. You can drink at 21. After that, the only major ones are the incriments of five; 25, 30, 35, etc. Not a lot of people make a big deal of it. It’s like being 19, only with more responsibilities.

By now, you’re over the whole “omg I get to drink!!” phase when you were 21. Although I do enjoy a drink every now and then, that phase no longer excites me. By now you’ve voted in at least 1 or two elections. Depending on money and demographics. you already own a license/car. If all went to plan, you graduated college/will be soon.

It’s a different type of puberty phase than when you were an early adolescent. You’re expected to do more on your own; pay bills, earn a more serious job, really think about a career/marriage/family…and sometimes I feel like this commercial

You’re stuck in the middle between “still young according to the world” and “you’re old enough”. Still knowing teen slang but having a LinkedIn or copies of resumes in your bag. Can still shop in stores like Forever 21 (cause forever was only 365 days), but also needing to own “adult gear” like pantsuits and blazers. But your twenties are still your discovery years, your selfish years, the years where you really decide on what you will become. You’ve spent most of your teens years trying to discover who you are, what you’re good at. And now your 20s is your “what are you gonna do about it?’ phase. It’s a time to take yourself more seriously, but still find a balance to enjoy life. Your money is spent more on bills than sneakers. Your days of sleeping in during the summer are limited. You have more expectations and wish you were 5 again, getting to take daily naps.

All in all, the way I see 22 is another year to better yourself. Let that be the year you do something beneficial for yourself like learn a new skill, get that licence, go back to school, make new friends and let go of toxic ones, find that special someone or take on more responsibilities than expected. Make it a milestone for you personally and not let the age go to waste. There’s no explicit expectations of being 22, so you whatever you feel like! (As long as it’s an improvement) Make a list of goals to complete before your next birthday to make it memorable. If not, you still have 2 more awkward birthdays until 25!

“Another year older, another year wiser”

Maybe that’s what TSwizzle meant…do kids still call her that?

Nonetheless, if you need me, I’ll be making student loan payments while singing Disney songs and sipping on a Capri Sun…I think I got it right.

Lent: A Second Chance

http://shcathedral.org/lent/

I have a very big love/hate relationship with Lent. Some years, I look forward to it, and some years, like this one, Easter cannot come soon enough. But it’s more than just giving up chocolate and praying more. It’s a chance to truly understand what was done for our salvation and just how much it cost to save our lives. So here’s some things you can do to make the most out of Lent

Extra prayer is needed this time of year, not only for yourself, but for the rest of the world. Take the time to place a lot more intention and meaning to your prayers. For example, I’ve taken the time to do the rosary while watching the news, dedicating each decade to a major story. I never watch the news because it’s always so depressing, but we have to know that life isn’t always fun and games and someone always has it worse than you. The rosary is a very difficult prayer, but has a lot of power when done from the heart. You can split up the decades throughout the day if it helps.

Take some time out in silence and just talk to God, no fancy words, but keep it real with him. He knows what you want, and what you’re going through. Just speak to him and he’ll take care of it. Go to confession and go often. It helps. I promise you. Participate in the Stations of The Cross and walk with Jesus. Read about Christ in the desert or any saints that have gone through suffering (which I’m sure is just about all of them) and ask them to help you. I mean, they got it right so they’re a pretty safe bet lol

Fasting. To voluntarily skip a meal and starve for a while. Why would God want me to do that? Fasting gives your spirit and body discipline, which is hard to find in this day and age. If you’re able to tell yourself “I won’t eat until this time”, and fulfill it, then you can do so much more. Also, this is another thing to be humbled about. There are so many other people around the world who don’t have enough to eat that starve on a daily basis. Again, someone out there has it worse than you. Although the only two mandatory days of fasting are Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, fasting once a week can help through the process.

Almsgiving. With all this negativity around us, why not do something good for others? There are so many organizations during and after Lent that ask for either food, money or volunteers to help those less fortunate. If we want to see good done, we need to be that example and give hope to others that faith in humanity can be restored. God had so much faith in humanity that he sacrificed his son to SAVE HUMANITY. And by that happy ending of Christ beating death, we have been saved.

If you mess up during this time, it’s okay. Just keep going. What you shouldn’t do is let this get the best of you. This is also not the season to show off what you’re giving up for lent and to boast about it. Nor is it to complain out loud. It’s a tough season and God knows that, vent to him and not to everyone else. This is the season to humble ourselves and serve as a reminder that without God and his sacrifice, we are nothing.

Sometimes we have to go through a lot of bad to get to a lot of the good stuff. Jesus Christ can tell you that firsthand lol. So take this Lent as a chance to remind yourself that the bad and the pain and suffering is only temporary, but the joy, peace and happiness that follows is eternal and worth the pain.

The Promise to Myself

http://beyoudaily.com/happy/

I’ve noticed lately the stress and slump I’ve been in since school started. It literally takes me an hour to get out of bed, I’ve been skipping meals, been so tired and angry and to be honest, that’s not me at all. More importantly, that’s not who I want to be.

I’ve noticed certain people that I love and admire have a few smililar distinct qualities about themselves: they stay positive, they keep smiling, and they’re driven. There’s something that they are searching for or there is something that motivates them to get up in the morning and face the world. They don’t sweat the small stuff, they enjoy life and they make the most of every day and don’t take it for granted. They do something everyday that brings them one step closer to their ultimate goal. So on this day, I’ve made a promise to myself to emmulate those who have inspired me to write this post.

I promise that I’ll make the most of every day.

We all have the same 24 hours to sieze the day. What you do with it is up to you. There should be enough time to do all that needs to be done; work, school, organization, some down time and whatnot. You have to plan the day accordingly (even if you have to do it the night before) and waste the whole day sleeping. If all gets done right, there should be more than enough time to grab some zzz’s

I promise to maintain a positive outlook on life

It’s easy to complain when things don’t go your way, it’s harder to look at both sides of the situation and not lose your cool. Although it’s great to be organized and planned, you also have to be flexible when things do not go your way. You will have your off days when this seems impossible to do, or will have to deal with people that you just want to smack, but you can’t let them get to you. Take a deep breath and keep thinking positive. When you can, give it up to God.

I promise to exude a warm and loving personality

There’s a guy I know who always has a smile on his face and I just adore him. You speak to him for five minutes and he makes you feel like you’re his closest friend. These are the people you want to be around and have in your inner circle because you’ll soon imitate these habits and these are the things people look for in a friend, employer and significant other. More importantly, it’s what you should look for in yourself. You should love yourself and that self-love will reflect in your friendships and relationships.

I promise to appreciate those people/things I have and not focus on what I don’t have

I am the guiltiest of this. I always look at what I don’t have and not realize how blessed I am for the things that I have now that others are begging to have; both parents, great friends, good marks, etc. Sometimes these people don’t know how much I really appreciate their friendship and I’ll make it an effort for them to realize just how much I’m thankful for them.

There is more but I’ll leave it as this for now. I know this will be hard but in the end, it will be worth it. If you have anymore promises to yourself, comment below!

The Single Senior Syndrome

source: careeredge.bc.edu

So here we are, senior year of college and your’re enjoying your last year together in college with your closest friends, favorite teachers and…. well that’s it. Wait, you thought I was going to mention a significant other? Ha. Who has time for that?. Now, I know there are people who can juggle everything and still maintain a relationship, but for some of us that just can’t happen.

I got asked the other day, “how’s your love life?” Well, I love my family. I love my friends. Love my clients. I love food. But a relationship just isn’t the cards at the moment. Are there people that I’m interested in? DUH! But does my scheduele allow me to make time for a coffee date? NOPE! As a senior who’s applying to grad school, has two clients for speech therapy and juggling school work, actual work, retreat team and this blog, time for friends is sacred, as well as time for myself (girl has to sleep!) I would love one, but that doesn’t seem possible.

But here’s the dilemma. As we get older and closer to the real world, we expect our significant others to be as driven as we are: with a job, working towards  a career and be well rounded. Do you think they have time for a relationship either? Again, some people are able to add a sweetie into the mix because they do one of these hobbies or jobs together. Some just know how to manage their time better. Some just aren’t ready. And I think I fall into the latter. I’m a very loveable person and if I had a boyfriend, I would give him the world. But I have too much growing and learning to do to be able to fully appreciate a relationship. Being in your 20s doesn’t mean that you have to have it together, but that you’re on the journey to do so. Sometimes you have to be selfish and think about yourself.

And sometimes you just have to wait. You cannot just force every cute guy to like you or push a relationship. Sometimes you just have to let it happen. It might or it might not. For whatever reason, romantic relationships aren’t mandatory or obligated in your life. Some are meant for a relationship and some are not.

But for the most part, have a great relationship with yourself and with those who have been loyal to you. Always do you, and those who need to be in your life will come. Relax and enjoy life.

A Year Since Brazil

This time last year, I landed in the beautiful Rio De Janerio Brazil for World Youth Day. If some aren’t aware of what that is, it’s when the Pope decides for all Christians around the world to come together in one area for a week in prayer, praise and fellowship with each other. From NY to Brazil is a 9 hour flight, but when the plane is full of excited pilgrims, it’s not that bad.

Once we settled in our hotel, we decided to wander around in the heart of the city, found their cathedral and food center and many excited pilgrims and locals. A common custom in WYD is to trade items from your country with others, (flags, pins, bracelets, etc.) And of course, pictures followed.

In walking around, we were near the main highway of the city and saw a lot of people on either side of the road cheering and playing music. With the little Portuguese I picked up, I asked what’s the all the comotion for? “The Pope just landed and is coming through here!”

Whaaaaaaaaaat?! We just landed in Brazil and the Pope came two days earlier than expected! I was at least 20 feet away from him and his blessings. I’ve never felt such joy pass through me.

The rest of the week consisted of many many nights waking up early and camping out all day to get the best spot to see the Pope and sightseeing. We practically lived in Copacabana Beach all week and seeing the Christ The Redeemer statue was such a breathtaking sight.

The people (local and pilgrims) were among the nicest people I’ve ever met and just so filled with Chirst in their hearts. The Pope’s messages were simple and to the point; focus on God, help those in need, be kind and loving. Jesus needs you and I need you. He did this not only with words, but by example with his visits to the hospitals, prisons and the poor communities.

Mass with the Pope on the beach with 3 million catholics was by far one of the most beautiful moments in my lifetime. I am forever grateful for such a beautiful experience and I wish I could do it again.

 

Let him go, girl.

“But he’s so cute!” “But he was so nice to me!” “I’ll never find someone else who will like me!” “It’ll get better, watch!”

Sounds familiar? Then you have all the signs to LET HIM GO!

The world has a strange way of telling what we should do things; how to not be picky, but have standards, how to be yourself, but be like everyone else, blah blah blah. Let’s be real now ladies. Women are amazing, there are so many things we do and put up with as a woman that men can’t even fathom. But let’s talk about you and the fact that you can’t let this certain guy go.

Sure, he was nice, a great kisser and told you that you were beautiful countless times. But honey, any guy can do that. They know that’s what girls like, so they do it.  They don’t call you to hear your voice anymore or to see how you’re doing, or to make another date night. Meanwhile, you tell him your scheduele of when you’re free, text him and call him goodmorning, goodnight and everything in between. So what’s wrong here? You’re in the relationship to make him happy, and he’s in the relationship to make himself happy. And now, you’re not happy. 

Being in a relationship should mean “what can I do for you?” rather than, “What can you do for me?” Many come into these relationships with these selfish expectations and they don’t have to do anything in return because “hey, you have someone to call your own.” “You have someone to post about on social media.” But is he really yours? Has he shared enough about himself that you know him? Do you feel like you’re doing waay more in the relationship than he is? Do you see this getting any better soon?

Let it go. I know it seems like such a terrible thing to start over again and realize that you build something that would end up getting destroyed. But at the end of the day, you matter more than anyone else, you deserve better. Take this time to just keep learning about yourself, what you’re good at and what you can do better to be the person that you want to be. If you set high standards for yourself, you will attract the same type of people.

This process is not easy, but I can tell you, if you find the one or not, you will come out of these experiences so much stronger than before. But if you want to love others, you have to love yourself. The way you treat yourself is the way others will treat you. Treat yourself with respect and others will have to do the same. If not, learn to let them go. And for the ladies in Christ, learn to love God again, who is the source of love, the one who taught us what love is. If you don’t know about God yet, I suggest you give him a chance to heal you and show you what you can be, since, well, he created you and knows you the best and knows what you deserve.

Besides your relationship with God, your relationship yourself is one of the most important relationships you’ll have. Treat yourself well. Don’t wait on someone to show you the world, go get it yourself. Make sure you’re happy with yourself.

 

So how are those new years Resolutions?

Remember about six months ago, when it was that whole; “New year, new me” thing and you had a whole list of things you wanted to do this year? Maybe the first month or two, you did most of these things and kept it consistent. But then month four hit and life got in the way and now here we are, half way through 2014 and which resolutions have you kept?

Here are some of the common New Year resolutions:

• Lose weight
• work out more
• eat healtier
• pick up a new hobby
• do something daring/new
• More me time
• Be more organized
• learn a new language
• play a new instrument

Sound familiar? The list goes on. I personally had a page full of resolutions and few are being kept. Now are you a bad person for not keeping your New Year promise? Of course not. The thing with these is that yes, you can plan to do these things, but it may not always end up the way you plan (shoot, life is never how you planned it) and you’ll do and learn things that you didn’t plan on doing this year.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to change yourself for the better. But you have to understand that these changes come with challenges, and this is a test of how much you really want to change and if in fact, you really need to change that thing about yourself. Also to keep in mind that your body and mind is not ready for drastic changes so rapidly. They have to slowly work into your lifestyle now and then slowly dominate.

Don’t wait for another year to say “I’m going to change”. You can start again today. Don’t try to over exhaust yourself with all of these changes, you won’t be able to handle it. Keep it slow and steady. It takes 21 days for a habit to develop (maybe more for others) but nonetheless, keep it going

The Color Run 2014 – #Happiest5K

 

Can you run with all the colors of The Color Run? I didn’t think I was able to. My friend mentioned this to me months before and me, attempting to be adventurous, thought “hey, why not?” So I signed up in January and almost forgot about it until I got an email early May reminding me that it was 30 days until the color run. Oh. yeah. Who’s in shape for that? Not me.

So I looked at what The Color Run was about, since I never really heard of it (

About

) which charities it supports and pretty much the aftermath of all of the runners. And it seemed like a good time, but I still didn’t know what to expect, but I thought “hey, let’s do this”. So May 31st, here we were ready to attack Citi Field with colored powder. Walking and slight jogging of course, ain’t none of us track stars haha.

We look so pretty and excited in pure white, unbeknownst to us of the madness that awaits us. Being up since 6am is a struggle for all of us, so you can imagine the conversations that came up prior to the run. And taking about 3 trains was quite the adventure so early in the morning. For the majority of us, this was our first Color Run so we didn’t know what to expect besides being pelted by color. 5K sounded a bit intimidating but we were crazy enough to go with it, meeting new friends and getting together with old ones.

So pretty much for every K you reached, you were congratulated with a burst of color. With all of the powder being used for so many runners, the floors and volunteers were pretty much covered entirely in their perspective areas. When we saw the colors, we got so excited, asking all of the volunteers to keep hitting us with color, and we even kicked the color from the ground to get more color on ourselves. We even sat on the floor that was covered in color to get the full color experience, which I guess is where the Happy part came in for me. We all became a bunch of kids fascinated with colors and wanting to play with it. At many points, some powder got into my nose and in my eyes. That part I wasn’t so happy about, but nonetheless, gotta keep going.

So remember that pretty “before” picture? haha we look gorgeous now right? After we crossed the finish line came the after party outside Citi Field. Pretty much the closest thing we’ve all got to a rave. We all got more color packets and when the MC said so, we opened them up and more color was drenched on us. I don’t think I’ll ever listen to “Turn Down For What” the same way again. I finally understood that feeling “right before the beat drops”. Some of us ate color, but it’s safe to say we all got the color experience we sought out to get.

I don’t think we all sought out to get the weird looks that we did on the train back home, as if New Yorkers haven’t seen crazier things on a subway than a bunch of Latinas covered in colored powder, come on now NYC. And no one wanted free hugs from us 😦 And let’s not talk about the cleanup of looking normal again… I will say that my facial cleansers were the real MVP that afternoon.

We all ran for different causes in mind, for fallen family members, for the multiple charities that The Color Run sponsors, what have you. But it was a great bonding experience that we all had together, trying to help each other get as colorful as possible (even though we pretty much ended up all dirty with the colors combining) but it was an amazing experience nonetheless and I wanna go back again!